wife. mom. dog pack ruler. recovering attorney. writer. handyman. compulsive organizer. retired wannabe boyband backup dancer.
Hey y’all! I’m Sarah, the woman behind Yoga Pants Mafia. Don’t let the “y’all” fool you though; even though I now call New Orleans home, I am a born and raised St. Louis chick. After years of desperately trying to cling to saying “you guys,” sounding more and more like a Super Fan than a hip Midwestern chick (Ha!), I caved in to the y’all. I digress. Often. I have a daughter, who shall be referred to as Nugget or BG (baby girl), who was born on the Fourth of July in 2012. We live in the New Orleans area with my husband, Det. Stabler (again, not his real name, but damn do I wish…love you baby!) and a pack of 4 large unruly dogs. I often lovingly refer to them as the Muttleys, the Pack, or our home as the Island of Misfit Dogs. You want to see me get rowdy and/or riot, go ahead and tell me that certain breeds are dangerous or that you just spent $2,000 on a something-doodle when really you just overpaid for a mutt. I digress…again.
I’d give you some exciting story of my life pre-Nug but it really isn’t all that exciting. I went to law school. I then worked a bit as an attorney, became unemployed, and then found out I was pregnant. Due to a medical condition, I decided against trying to jump back in to working long hours while pregnant and after Nugget’s arrival. I’d go out for drinks with friends or by myself and make friends at whatever establishment was closest. This isn’t to say I lacked an identity before I became a mom, it was just pretty basic mid to late 20s kind of stuff.
Motherhood hit me upside the head like a Mad Dog 20/20 hangover. I was tired, anxious, clueless, and wondering whose life I was in. In fact, when Nugget was born and placed onto my stomach my first words were “Oh my God, are you REAL?!”
If we were playing the “What Sex and the City Character Are You” game, I was definitely going down the Miranda route with Carrie’s smoking and martini habit. I never thought I’d make the choice to be a stay at home mom. But like any parenthood cliché, I fell (almost literally) in step with my new identity, life, job, and person. Not to say it’s all easy and my kid shits rainbows and farts Febreeze. But I enjoy my time with her and I love watching her become this tiny little human. That’s probably better saved for a much sappier post later on down the line.
So if I were filling out an online dating profile or whatever, this is the Cliffs Notes about me. I love to dance- anywhere, anytime. I love to sing and have a ridiculously awesome memory when it comes to lyrics of all kinds. Just don’t expect me to sing well. I’m not a natural ginger, but I’m pretty sure I was meant to be. I have a weird phone anxiety and I feel like text messaging was made specifically for me. I have a difficult time saying no to taking in a dog or a friend when they need a place to stay. I love cheap beer and cheap wine. In a past life, I was a handyman. I wrote my college application personal statement about getting into a car chase with the masturbator I caught numerous times on my all-girls school campus. I have a whole drawer dedicated to yoga pants, yet I’ve only been to one yoga class in my life (Bikram) and I will never let Stabler forget how he made me go pay money to sweat like a Tijuana whore in a rotten cheese chamber.
I am here to share my experiences as a mom and as woman. The things I share may make you laugh, cry, or riot. Whatever your reaction, I hope you enjoy what I have to share with the world about my life as I know it. So pull up a chair, grab your favorite adult beverage and come hang out with me on the patio.
Meet the Mafia